Author: Date: SUNDAY, December 6, 1998

Page: M7

Section: Learning

Wow. I can't believe it's already been three months since I started college. It is absolutely amazing how fast the time has gone by. I remember the anxious moments of meeting all of my roommates on move-in day as vividly as if it were yesterday. Yet at the same time, as I look back at everything that has happened in these remarkably quick three months, I am amazed at how much I have changed and how extensively my perspectives on what is important in life have changed.

Although there have definitely been many aspects of college life that I have enjoyed, the adjustments of living on my own have been far more difficult to adapt to than I ever would have anticipated. Perhaps I felt so confident because I was coming from a family where my inde- pendence already seemed natural or be- cause, while some of my friends were mov- ing thousands of miles away, I was only going to be living a few miles away from the familiarity of life in Newton. How- ever, I never realized how some of the little things that I had previously taken for granted and that I must now endure by myself could have such a dramatic effect on my psyche.

While I've made some really great friends so far at Harvard, particularly through the track team, and I get along well with all of my roommates, it often still feels as if there is something missing. I must say that despite my many friends and great classes, the biggest rumor about Harvard, its impersonal nature, is pretty much true. Although, as I now realize, this is not a trait necessarily exclusive to Harvard but one that can encompass any experience in- volving living on one's own for the first time. For some reason, even though I have plenty of friends here, I still sometimes feel very alone.

Although there are always going to be people around in college who are good friends and care about you, it is a stark contrast to living in the environment of a family where you know you are always a top priority in someone else's life. One of the few sacrifices of living in a community where everyone is so independent is that it is often very difficult to develop strong interpersonal relationships when everyone is always so busy with their own lives. While I never thought about it much when I was living at home, I always took it for granted that there would always be someone to ask how my day was when I got home or to talk to when I felt down.

It is perhaps due to this void of not being the top priority in anyone's life for the first time that a new phenomenon has come about that has consumed a vast part of my life recently. For the first time upon meeting a girl I really clicked with, I felt an incredible yearning to develop a serious long-term relationship. While I had always thought of this in high school as a potentially very exciting experience, I realized soon after I met Megan that I had never felt anything in my entire life remotely close to what I felt towards her. Although it is also true that I have never met anyone in my entire life whom I found as special as Megan, the impersonal void I just described certainly helped to exacerbate my feelings to the point at which I am sometimes too emotionally drained to even think about anything else, not a very convenient occurrence when you have a history mid-term exam the next day.

Although falling in love for the first time has certainly made my adjustment to college all the more difficult, my reactions to meeting someone like Megan may in fact be part of the adjustment process itself. While in some ways this experience has signified one of the most amazing events in my life, it has also, without a doubt, been the hardest and most emotionally taxing thing I've ever had to go through.

My reactions to Megan are in a way a microcosm for how I would describe college life in general. The Megan situation is an experience made much more difficult without the support of my familiar high school environment, yet one that also has the potential to be much more meaningful than anything I've ever experienced. This is similar to how the emotional maturation college has forced upon me has been very trying at times, yet is also a necessity of my growing up. So while things have been tough at times for me, these difficult times have already enabled me to make great strides in learning to deal with things on my own.

Love,

Jared

Jared Miller is from Newton.

Hey there, how's junior year going for you? You must be so busy. I remember my own junior year in high school and how hectic it was. Then again, every year was crazy for me. Even here in college I often wonder if my head won't suddenly spin right off. College is a blast so far, though. Between parties, being sick, and being behind in homework, I often wonder if I can get it all done. Sometimes I wish I'd just wake up out of this dream. Other times I wish it would never end.

I've broken up with Steve. I'm sad that it had to happen, but I was over it quickly. Really, there hasn't been much time to think of it. I've never been without a boyfriend, and had I gone to a coed college, I don't think I'd be without one. I'm very glad I came here, though. I've gotten so much support and encouragement that I don't think I'd find anywhere else. Being here has helped me learn about myself and whom I could really be. Not that I'm going to remain single for the rest of my life, but I've never felt so free, so independent. Being here has let me realize that I can do anything on my own. At this small, all- girls col- lege, I am able to talk to my teachers and they truly make an effort for me to stay on top. I don't think I'd get that anywhere else.

I can't wait until next semester. I'll be taking classes that I find important. Viola lessons at the New England Conservatory, can you imagine it? I'm so excited I could burst. I never dreamed myself worthy to take lessons with such great professors. Anything can happen I guess. I'm getting great classes and the individual attention I demand. Who could ask for more? Other than feeling well enough to do it all, as well as getting more time in which to do it. . . .

All right, you're probably getting sick of me by now so I'll let you go. Give everyone my love. Listen to Mom and Dad once in a while; sometimes they'll say something worthwhile. One day you'll appreciate them; it took me college to realize how important they really are. I'll leave you with some- thing Dad said to me as he left on my first day of college, "Never forget your roots."

Love always,

Sarah

Sarah Mercier is from Goffstown, N.H.

Hey! How are you? Long time, no see! I hope everything in big "Po Town" is going well, both with school and with basketball. So, how's senior year treating you? Pretty tough, right (note the sarcasm)?! Well, my friend, take my advice, enjoy it while it lasts! Because your next four years here in Boston as a fellow Lady Eagle will be a lot different than the luxurious lifestyle you're probably now enjoying, as I have recently learned.

I'm sure you've heard the infamous phrase referring to college students and the added "rolls" they tend to pick up during their first year (and I'm not talking about cinnamon rolls). "The Freshman Fifteen" -- those three little words haunt every high school senior in America. Well, I'll put your mind at ease. No; you won't gain any weight ("fat" pounds, that is; you will put on muscle weight, though). Coach Inglese and our trainer, John Whitesides, will make sure of that.

But, I thought I'd put a little twist on this notorious phrase for you, and present it in a different manner. In order to facilitate your transition to college a little, I offer you: Nicole Conway's Freshman Fifteen: Fifteen Things I've learned so far in my first year at college.

And so, without any further ado . . .

1) Pray for a good roommate; she can either make or break your first year.

2) DON'T WAIT UNTIL THE NIGHT BEFORE A TEST TO STUDY; this isn't high school anymore, that won't cut it (trust me; I learned the hard way).

3) Get used to walking to/from practice in the rain, sleet, snow, tornadoes, etc. It's a long way to Upper Campus from Conte Forum, and the coaches aren't your personal taxi service (no matter how much you beg).

4) Start saving your money now, because once that first month's phone bill comes, you're going to thank me!

5) E-mail is a college kid's best friend! What an easier/cheaper way of keeping touch?!

6) Get to McElroy (the cafeteria on Upper) early! The early bird gets the Lucky Charms.

7) Don't waste hours on end making a HUGE collage of pictures on your dorm room wall (like I did); after a few weeks, all the corners start to bend and what once looked cool, now looks sort of dumpy.

8) Do all the reading. Enough said.

9) College is not a 24-hour party, at least not for the college athlete. My ONE NIGHT off a week usually consists of excessive sleeping and watching television, due to the exhaustion that was brought forth by the other six days.

10) If you're gullible, fix it. As a freshman, the upper classmen, and even the coaches, ARE going to play jokes on you. It's only natural. So, be prepared.

11) Even if Vinny Testa's, The Cheesecake Factory, and Red Lobster composed the cafeterias on campus, YOU WILL GET SICK OF THE FOOD after awhile. Right now, I'd give my right arm (a.k.a. my shooting arm) for a home-cooked meal. Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm . . .

12) Do no shoot free throws at the basket closest to the water fountain. Do not take any sheets of paper off the pile until each and every upperclassman has done so first. Do not sit in the chairs and/or couches unless there happens to be an extra spot after all the upperclassmen are comfortably seated. Do not stand in front of the elevator; all freshmen are to go "to the back." Trust me, if you learn these unwritten rules now, you'll save yourself a lot of torment next year.

13) Never tell someone you are going to call or write him/her on a specific date or time. Our jam-packed schedule is constantly changing, so "appointments" with friends are often missed. So, call/e-mail whenever you have a spare second, don't plan it ahead of time.

14) GET ENOUGH SLEEP! Between basketball and academics, you will need all the energy you can get. Rest whenever you have the opportunity. Short, little "happy nappies" are my new best friend.

15) Last, but certainly not least . . . don't take advantage of your friends and family while you're still in high school. Enjoy the time you have with them, because, come next year, you'll miss them more than you ever expected.

So these are just some bits of advice I have for you as you prepare for college next year. I know you still have quite some time, but trust me, the sooner you learn these things, the better. I hope you use my own take on the "Freshmen Fifteen" to make your difficult transition a little easier. You will, however, encounter other changes/challenges that I did not discuss here. But remember, bud, I'm here for you. Whatever you need, I'll only be a short walk away. As an upperclassman next year, I'll do my best to help you adjust . . . that is, as long as you don't take my seat!

Your Friend,

Nicole Conway

Nicole Conway is from Glenmont, N.Y.

Well, so far so good. I'm still breathing so I consider that a good thing. I still cannot believe that I'm in Boston and that you are both a thousand miles away from me in El Paso. I guess it hasn't hit me yet, which is good considering I'm not one for nervous breakdowns. Sometimes I wake up in the morning expecting to see one of you or my brother, and then I realize that I'm in my dorm room. It's tough sometimes, but I try and remember that this is the best place for me to be right now.

Remember all the trouble we had getting here? Who would have guessed that a human being could be capable of surviving 52 hours on a bus? For a while there, I was ready to jump out of the window and walk the rest of the way. And if that wasn't enough, remember when we got here and our luggage didn't, now that was the icing on the cake. Not to mention that we couldn't find a hotel room to stay in. Now that I think back on all that, I wonder where we found the strength to get through it all. All I know is that if it wasn't for people at COM (College of Communications), I would have gone back home with both you and grandpa.

For a while there, I really just wanted to pack up and leave. I missed you and my brother Ricky so much that I just felt like starting my Christmas break a little bit early. Of course that would have meant missing a few classes, so I decided to stay. (You see what a good student I am!) I remember how hard it was the first few weeks. I felt as if I was the only one who hadn't made friends yet. Everyone seemed to have a best friend already. I felt so lonely and insignificant for awhile. Back home I had my group of friends and I was somebody, you could say that I was something of a big cheese, but here. . . . I wasn't even on the menu. I was more like a condiment, no, more like a utensil even! It was awful! My friends from home did help me out though. They sent me letters and cards and always reminded me that I wasn't alone. Thank God for e-mail! And don't even get me started on eating in the dining hall. Let's just say that I have mastered the art of eating without company (that and developing a sixth sense that alerted me when the dining room was empty). Oh the HUMANITY!!!

Well, maybe things were not as bad as they seemed. But they seemed that bad at the time. Things are much better now though. I'm happy to report that my roommate and I are getting along great, he's a pretty nice guy. I also have made some really great friends, no more solitary lunches for me! As for my classes, well, they are difficult but I'm learning to adjust to the workload, and to the 20-mile walk it takes me to get to my classes everyday. Hey, maybe you should send me a car! (OK, you can stop laughing now.)

I am glad that I came here. I know I have complained a lot but when I look at the big picture, I realize that this was the right choice. I have learned so much about life just from my experiences living here. I've learned about the freedom of independence, and of the value of family. I do miss you all greatly. I thank God everyday that I have you to come home to, and at the same time I thank Him for giving me such a wonderful opportunity. I'll write more later, right now I have to go and get on that menu.

Love,

Johnny

Juan Vargas is from El Paso.

This is Scott writing from UMass, to share the wealth of knowledge that I have accumulated so far. To describe my experience in a letter would be like trying to cram an encyclopedia in a sentence. Upon arriving, I observed the campus's massive structures, foliage, and the rest of its outer beauty. Nothing but pure "shock" can describe my first reaction when I realized that it's just me now! However, there was a notion of what you would call freedom and excitement. It is only when you perceive the inner beauty of community, friends, and partners that you begin to sense the feeling of college. Because you are not at my side for the adventures that I have embarked on, this letter depicts the wealth of enlightenment given to me.

Graduating from trade school and joining college with a declared major has given me a great lead over many, but it has left me behind academically. The professors utilize great teaching methods in order to teach large numbers of students, and that helps out most of us. Some even include a dry sense of humor! I find myself working very hard to achieve good grades and to maintain them. After class work, homework, and the rest of my daily duties are complete, I spend time with my suitemates. We are a very distinct group of individuals who enjoy some of the same things, while sharing the differences. This part of my higher education experience has been quite pleasant.

For whatever stone that is cast, there are bound to be ripples where it lands. Along with the good there is the consequent star-crossed luck that most of us possess. Sadly, I must say that my car was robbed of its possessions while in the parking lot across from my living quarters. This inconvenient mishap occurred in time for one of my best friends' premature death, and my uncle's inevitable death. Without losing hope, I survived the worst part of the waves created by the unlucky stone.

Though I have only spent a fraction of my time here, I have learned, felt, and accomplished a lot. I have invaluable memories that will stay with me for years to come. College is more than an education; it is a way of life, a quest in which you and only you are in control of the outcome. Occasionally, there will be ruffles in your dreams that will need ironing; that is the true test of the experienced learner here. This letter might begin with dear, however it will sincerely never end.

Scott

Scott Robert is from Adams.

How are things going at St. Clare? For me, it seems like a century since I graduated from high school. I'm writing to let you know how things are going for me.

As a freshman at the University of Massachusetts, I sometimes feel so lost, but luckily I have my sister here to guide me. It doesn't feel as close and warm as St. Clare was to me but I like the different environment. I miss going to class and being able to know all the students and feeling close enough to the teacher to just chat. Up here it is really scary. I can say that I attend two classes that are bigger than our whole school put together. The learning techniques and style are so demanding too. Many people have told me what college life was to be, but I never thought it would be like this. The material that is taught seems to overwhelm me sometimes because it goes so fast. I wonder at times: Am I learning for the grades or the knowledge? I have learned how to read and understand chapters and chapters of information in a week and also learned how to space my time out around my work.

Even though everything is going well for me, I sometimes feel empty inside. The days fly by here and all it seems that I am doing is going to class and going back to my dorm to study. It's such a big college that I feel small in this new world of mine. When it was warmer, I used to take walks by the pond and wonder about my college life. I wonder why, in such a big school with so many people around, I can feel so lost and lonely. I guess it's because I am used to living in a city and UMass is such a suburban place.

With all the loneliness and empty feelings I have, I must give UMass its credit for the beautiful campus, its peacefulness, and its diversity. I enjoy college a lot. I walk to class and smile at myself because I feel happy. I feel full of life when I look around and see students and know that I am one also. I feel so honored and privileged to be able to attend college. When I walk out of a lecture or class I always feel as if I have accomplished some- thing. Mr. Daniels, do you know what that accomplishment is? It's knowledge.

I really miss home a lot. I miss all the teachers and all the memories at St. Clare. But to me, the experience that I am having now, with all its good and bad, is worth all the time and effort I have put in to attend college. Mr. Daniels, I have always looked to you when times for me get tough but I also want to share with you the good times of my life. You have helped me get on my feet and helped me to be the best that I can be. Now I want you to see the result of your work. No matter where I go, or what I do, you will always be a part of me. I will always remember your talks that helped me to understand the unfairness of this world and I will never forget you.

Sincerely yours,

Thu Mai

Thu Mai is from Dorchester.

How is your senior year of high school going? Are you excited about graduating in June? Are you still nervous about starting college in the fall? If you are, I would like to let you know that I too was once nervous about starting college. I would like to share with you a little story of how I adjusted.

I have been a student at Bunker Hill Community College since the fall of 1997. Before I came to college I was a little apprehensive of how I would adjust to college life after being out of school for over three years. I was doubtful of being able to excel in my classes, and nervous about interacting with my professors and classmates.

After attending the college for just two weeks, all of my fears and doubts were gone. I found my classes stimulating in that they really made me think about the material and the relevance it held in contemporary society. My College Writing I class was a perfect example of this claim. In this class, I learned how to improve my grammar and develop a structure for writing essays. At first the themes of the lessons seemed vague to me, but my professor and classmates were there for me to help me along. At this point, I knew that I could trust people within the school to listen to my concerns, and help provide solutions to my problems. As a result of my hard work and the guidance that I received, I got an A in College Writing I.

In addition to working hard in my classes, I decided to place some of it towards the Student Government Association. As a senior in the SGA, I worked with fellow members to address student issues. These issues ranged from getting more security in the parking lot to forming a senate committee with other clubs within the college. The most valuable lesson I learned from the SGA was being a team player. I learned how to work together in a group of students to attain goals that were beneficial to student life at the college.

Last week, I was inducted into Phi Theta Kappa, the international honor society for two-year colleges. I feel that this was the crowning achievement to my first year of college. Being a member of an honor society is something that I always wanted to be a part of, but never thought of as being an attainable goal. I thought that academically I would forever be trapped within the parameters of mediocrity, never to escape. However, once I arrived at college and started to ask for help, and receive it, I was determined to break my parameters and strive for success.

In conclusion, I hope that this story has eased some of your nervousness you might have felt about entering college. Above all, I would like you to know that college is a challenging experience, but no one ever said you have to go it alone. You will have your professors, advisers, and fellow classmates to help you along the way.

Best Wishes,

cousin Johnnie

John L. Robinson, Jr. is from Cambridge.

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