he road to the White House, with stops in New Hampshire, is an impressive highway, but some of the side streets border on the bizarre.
Take poor Al Gore, for example. He'd like to talk about a high-tech future for this country with a nod to economic prosperity for all, but those pesky protesters keep getting in the way. When Gore returned to Tennessee to make his run for president official, he was met by protesters who called him a killer because of something to do with AIDS drugs and Africa, although their point was never clear.
Recently, it was the folks from PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) who stole the show. The PETA protest is focusing on animal testing supported by Clinton and Gore. Television star Bea Arthur appears in some new ads. She says Gore has ''ordered thousands of chemicals to be tested on animals ... He actually wants to poison and kill millions of them.''
New Hampshire animal rights activist Barbara Bonsignore, interviewed on local television news, said the vice president is being stalked by a 30-foot rabbit.
It's been kind of funny - but not really. Killer is a strong word to attach to anyone, especially someone running for president. Stalking is a word that evokes powerful images, none of them pleasant. This is the kind of gutter politics we could all do without. The folks at PETA think they are making a point, and they did get the administration to listen. But they made that point at a price. The attack campaign could backfire, and I hope it does. It's a cheap shot. PETA has lost any credibility the group may have had.
And then there was Gore's canoe trip with Governor Jeanne Shaheen. The trip started out as the perfect photo opportunity. Gore and the Gov paddled along a stretch of the Connecticut River near Cornish while dozens of still and video cameras were focused on them. It was smooth sailing until a few days later when The Washington Times charged that Gore had engineered the release of 4 billion gallons of water upstream at Wilder Dam to make sure the canoe didn't run aground.
Presto! Instant controversy! Republicans were all over the story like a cheap suit, as they say in the dime novels, which is where this story belongs. State GOP head Steve Duprey arranged his own photo op on the banks of the Merrimack River where he stood before the cameras to denounce the abuse of vice presidential muscle in the name of a campaign image. Democrats denied the allegation. Representative Peter Burling, a Democrat from Cornish, countered that his manure spreader was a good place for the story. What was the truth in all of this? Any libel lawyer will tell you it doesn't really matter - the truth rarely catches up with a falsehood.
Meanwhile, Bill Bradley managed to stay out of the line of fire, quietly building support while Gore gets hit by every stray shot.
George Bush just keeps smiling and shaking hands, and why not? The other Republicans are so far behind him they are just specks on the horizon.
Elizabeth Dole continues to run a credible campaign, but it's hard to sense any groundswell of support building. She doesn't resonate with conservatives, and moderates seem to be lining up with Bush, checkbooks in hand.
Steve Forbes continues to try to catch the public's imagination, but it's slow going. His latest effort is somewhat spooky black and white television ads in in which Forbes slips into the background and lets his wife and daughters talk about what a great dad and husband he is. So?
Lamar Alexander and Dan Quayle are out there somewhere. I'm sure they are. Aren't they? Lamar? Dan?
Once again Alan Keyes is back in the race. He might be the next Harold Stassen. The guy is a dynamic speaker and those who hear him come away impressed. When it comes to public speaking, Keyes is a reverse, or bizarro, Al Gore - great delivery, but what about the message?
And then there's Joe Schriner. Don't say Joe who. Joe is a former journalist from Ohio who has tossed his hat into the Republican ring. Joe says when he is elected he will let the homeless live in the White House, pay reparations to the Indians and throw out the first pitch at a Little League game instead of the majors. He recently told the Keene Sentinel he has targeted four areas for change - environment, social justice, emotional wellness and spirituality. Wait a minute. This guy makes too much sense. What's he doing here?
Finally, there's Bob Smith. No longer a Republican, his name recently has been floated along with that of Jesse Ventura and the Reform Party. I'll tread softly around Ventura; I don't want him to crunch my noggin. But what about Smith? Since he left the Republican Party, Smith has been looking for a party where he can park his campaign while his Republican colleagues in the Senate have tiptoed around him. He seems obsessed with gun control these days, and he burns bridges as fast as he can. He's taken to denouncing the party that made him at every opportunity. When will the GOP take off the gloves and get tough with Smith?
It's a great show, this presidential primary of ours. The trick is to keep your eye on the issues and ignore the foolish distractions.
Hank Nichols is assistant professor of journalism and writing at New England College. He lives in Sutton.
