"Can you believe those rats?
"My own colleagues, guys from my side of the aisle, sneaking around town whispering that I'm crackers? All because I spent five-and-a-half years in a stinking commie prison? My own side is fragging me while I'm trying to run for president? And I'm supposed to take this lying down? No way!
"I knew this thing was going to get rough. But this is dirty! These blind-side leaks that I'm some kind of mental case, they are the lowest sort of blow. I remember when the Bush crowd did it to Dukakis in '88. They got Reagan to make wisecracks about Dukakis's mental health, and their pals in the media picked it up and fanned the flames. But at least that sneak attack was from the other party! What really steams me is that these bozos are the same four or five who come into the Senate Cloakroom and give me the big wave, and say, 'Hey, John, how's the campaign going?'
"Those weasels are all denying they were anywhere near the planting of those rumors. What else would you expect? They're going to come right out and say, `Yeah, I admit I told three reporters Senator McCain was liable to go nuts?' No way. Those mealy-mouthed so-and-sos can't stand the thought I might just win this thing and tip over their money machine.
"But those back-stabbing SOBs are dipping as low as you can go in the old sheep dip. I'm lying in a cell in Hanoi getting the crap kicked out of me and these slimebuckets are back here practicing law and plotting their runs for high office? What's wrong with this picture? Plenty! And these are the same creeps who are raping the political process by grabbing all the soft money they can lay their money-grubbing paws on. They're petrified that campaign finance reform will eliminate their shakedown racket. They'd do anything to keep the greenbacks flowing. They got their lobbyist pals to run around the country last summer, saying my reforms would wipe out the NRA and the anti-abortion lobby. Anything to scare the hell out of Republican voters.
"Then they got the governor back home to knock me and endorse Bush, figuring that would pin me down in Arizona and make me spend money to win my own primary. Next the Phoenix newspaper starts attacking me for my temper; those people never could stand the fact that I refused to kiss their butt. Now it's the don't-quote-me rumors from my Republican colleagues. It just proves I'm getting to be more of a threat to the status quo. Thank God for the vets. They're sticking by me. These vets are unbelievable!
"There's 49 million veterans in this country. And most are with me. OK, so Al Gore served in Vietnam in a non-combat job, but nothing like the tour I did. I guess you could say I got extended involuntarily, huh? And none of these other guys went anywhere near Vietnam. Pat Buchanan got out of the draft because of a bad knee! That's a hoot. Old Gimpy limped to victory in New Hampshire four years ago. Well, he's history now. Even if he gets the Reform Party endorsement, and their $13 million in matching funds, forget it.
"For every vote Buchanan takes from Democrats, he takes two from us. That's another reason I have to win this Republican nomination. I just know in my bones I can do a better job of cutting Buchanan down to size than young Bush can. These Yale guys don't know how to deal with a mug like Buchanan.
"But I also know I can't count too much on this veteran thing to win me New Hampshire. Bush Senior and Bob Dole got licked up here, Bob Kerrey too. You can't just wave your medals and expect to win New Hampshire.
"I have to admit I'm astounded by how well it's going for us so far. I shouldn't even be in this race, with Bush and Forbes able to spend 50, 60, even 70 million. But bucks. But these New Hampshire people are unbelievable. They want to see you, meet you, shake hands, look you in the eye. And they listen! I'd become so depressed by the Washington scene, I was afraid the voters were never going to listen to any of us, ever again, they were so disgusted.
"But these folks up here actually think they can make a difference! I love it! They're willing to say no to the party establishment, and all those bigshots around Bush, and they're willing to say `no way!' to a rich guy like Forbes, for all the dough he spends.
"My guys, the World War II vets and the Korean guys , too, they're dying off now at the rate of a thousand a day. Unbelievable. All those good men. I look at that Sunday Globe obit page every weekend I'm in New Hampshire, and you see dozens of those little American flags for the guys who served. And the gals, too. I can't deny it, I get choked up a little when I think of everything these old-timers went through.
"And these lard-asses in the Senate, these fakers from my own party, who hid out at home while other people were getting shot at, these same lying so-and-sos are bad-mouthing me from the safety of the Senate Cloakroom. `You can't trust McCain,' they whisper, `He's liable to go bonkers from being a prisoner of war.' This is something right out of `The Manchurian Candidate.' They can't take the heat over dirty money, so they're trying to destroy me this way. What a crock!
"I spend the better part of six years getting the tar whaled out of me, and I'm supposed to come back here and roll over because these frauds in the Senate don't want to give up their soft money habit? And they whine that I'm not the real Republican? Well, screw to hell with them. As I told my North Vietnamese guards on more than one occasion, `Give it your best shot, baby, because if I get a chance to come back at you, your ass is you're mine.' I know I have a big mouth, can't help it. I still catch flak for that time I was talking about retirees in Arizona's Leisure World and I called it `Seizure World.' I can't help those kinds of wisecracks. Still makes me laugh.
"And if the voters of New Hampshire don't like my attitude, well, I'm a big boy. Losing an election will not be the worst thing that ever happened to John McCain. But I didn't sweat and bleed and cry through five years in Hanoi to come back here and roll over for a bunch of ambushers addicted to backdoor political money. There's plenty of things worth taking heat for. And this cause is one of them.''
"If I do nothing more than go down in flames trying to change this corrupt system, it was it's still a fight worth fighting. It's no different than strapping on a US government-issue Navy fighter and flying off a carrier deck: There's no guarantees anybody gets home safely. `You pays pay pays your money and you takes take takes your choice.' That's okay OK by me. Let 'er rip!"
