enator John F. Kerry sits on the sidelines of the presidential campaign and sometimes wonders why.
Kerry took himself out of the race in February, when Vice President Al Gore was the clear favorite and former senator Bill Bradley a blip on the screen. But now, as Gore struggles and Bradley rakes in millions in contributions, Kerry has suggested to friends and associates that he may have made a mistake by taking himself out of the running.
Kerry evidently has been second-guessing himself since at least April, when he began musing out loud about reversing his position. The junior senator from Massachusetts has made no moves to get into the race, but he has continued to grumble to associates about Gore's clumsiness on the campaign trail and Bradley's lack of pizazz.
One person familiar with those conversations said Kerry has told his people everything from ''I can't believe there's only two guys left'' and ''I can't believe Bradley's got a shot'' to ''Should I get back in?''
In an interview, Kerry said his comments may have been misinterpreted. At most, he said, he may have whimsically said, ''God, it would be fun to be a part of that debate.''
Kerry described himself as having no regrets about being a spectator. ''I think I made the right decision,'' he said.
But during a reunion of his former Senate staff at his Georgetown home in May, Kerry told some of the 100 people in attendance that he was not sure he did the right thing by sitting it out. One former aide said Kerry commented that Gore's campaign ''was not igniting,'' but described the ruminations as ''belly scratching'' and ''not serious.''
''He likes to thoroughly debate all sides of an issue,'' the former staffer said. ''He's still debating whether it was smart to do nine debates in the '96 election'' against Governor William F. Weld.
Meanwhile, Kerry has begun to offer some help to the vice president's campaign. He brought John Marttila and Natalie Wigotsky, his Boston-based political consultants, to meet with Gore in Washington to talk strategy, according to one Gore campaign official.
Kerry said he has provided Gore with data on children and education, two issues the senator has concentrated on in the Senate since his reelection. He is expected to endorse Gore some time before the fall.
In his Feb. 26 announcement, Kerry cited the compressed primary schedule and the need to raise millions of dollars before a single vote is cast as reasons he would not run.
''My heart loves the battle. My heart loves these issues. My heart said go out and fight for these things,'' Kerry said at the time. ''My head said, the day after I make an announcement, I have to raise an exorbitant amount of money and do it all in 10 months.''
Since he made that decision, Kerry said in the interview last week, none of the factors that went into his thinking have changed. ''The fundamental premise of my decision is exactly the same today as the day I made it,'' he said.
If he were in the race, Kerry said, he and Bradley would probably be fighting over the same donors for the same money and support. And the one-on-one dynamic that Bradley is enjoying now would no longer exist.
''If I were in it, Bradley and I would be fighting for the exact same money, we would have been dividing up that pie and the divided pie equation over the next ten months doesn't work,'' Kerry said. ''I don't think anything has changed, as you start walking down that path.''
Marttila has spoken with Kerry twice since the senator's February announcement. He said Kerry described himself as content.
''To me he's been steadfast,'' Marttila said. ''He has stuck with his decision and he has not looked over his shoulder.''
But that has not kept Kerry from scrutinizing the presidential field, something he does daily with his Senate staff. Asked to evaluate the vice president's candidacy, Kerry said he thinks Gore is ''doing better.''
''I think there's always a lag between candidate improvement and campaign cohesion and the public awareness or recognition of those things,'' he said. ''Obviously, he had a slow start and it was a little bumpy. Now Kosovo is on track and he's declared and the field is clear, and the campaign in a sense has begun in earnest.''
Kerry said that means voters are going to begin to listen to what Gore is saying and to find out who he is. While he noted that Bradley has done well raising money, Kerry said the former New Jersey senator soon will begin receiving greater scrutiny.
''I haven't heard much of his message, so I'm not clear on what he's specifically laid out other than race a little bit, and children. I'm not clear what he's doing about either of them,'' Kerry said.
As for his own aspirations, Kerry added: ''I'm really, really comfortable. I'm doing a lot of good stuff.''
