Attending to the Attendants

Speaking of appreciation, keep in mind that these folks you're buying for have spent weeks, possibly months, helping you to plan and manifest "the biggest day of your life." These gifts are an expression of your gratitude to the people who will gather to celebrate your special day. Make sure they're packaged beautifully, then present them with love. Your gifts and memories of your wedding will be cherished for a lifetime if they're thoughtful and unique. Otherwise, they're likely to sit in a closet somewhere gathering dust.

In the past, the bride and her family have assumed the lion's share of the wedding expenses, but when it comes to attendants' gifts, it is appropriate for the groom to choose and pay for gifts for the best man, groomsmen and ushers, while the bride chooses and pays for gifts for her maid/matron of honor and the bridesmaids. (Remember, your attendants will be buying you a wedding gift as well.)

Traditionally, all the male attendants receive the same gift. Some typical examples include silver key chains, crystal paperweights, engraved silver accessory boxes, sterling engraved pocket knives or money clips. According to a number of local jewelers, engraving gift items with the couple's names and date of marriage is basically mandatory on attendant gifts of this sort. Engraved crystal beer steins are also a popular item. The engraving on beer steins can either be the same as the above suggested, or simply the names of the attendants. Ten years ago, one of the biggest sale items was engraved cigarette cases and Zippo lighters, however, sales of those items have decreased markedly. The common thread here is to personalize, as much as possible, these gifts, which signify your gratitude to those who stand by you.

In contrast, some couples are choosing slightly less traditional gifts such as artwork from a local artist, a year's membership to a gourmet coffee club (wine club, fruit-of-the-month club, something-of-the-month club). Slightly more innovative but less permanent ideas are a day's pass to a gym that offers a wide range of services, dinner for two at a classy restaurant and even, for those with either the money to spend or a very small wedding party, a weekend getaway.

For the bridesmaids, many of the above nontraditional examples will also work. In California there's even a housekeeping service specifically marketing itself toward prospective brides. Elves to come clean the house once a week or once every other week for a specific period of time sounds like a heavenly gift in this time of overbooked, overworked women. As with the groomsmen and ushers, it tends to be safer to give the same gift to all the bridesmaids, although a slightly nicer gift for the maid of honor and best man are in order.

Traditional bridesmaids gifts include jewelry (again, the engraving plays a big part), crystal figurines, lead crystal candlestick holders, champagne glasses and silver picture frames. Less traditional gifts include housekeeping services or a gift certificate to a local spa for a day of beauty. These gift certificates can run anywhere from $75 on up depending on what's included in the package. Giuliano's on Newbury Street even offers special packages for brides/bridesmaids. Most spas offer a la carte, half-day or full-day packages, so you can choose according to your budget. Or, if you have a larger bridal party, or smaller budget, consider gift certificates for just massage (or facials, or reflexology, or manicures/pedicures). Massage therapists, especially those practicing individually and not affiliated with a spa, often offer discount rates on groups of gift certificates. The going rate for massage alone in Boston is about $60 an hour, though packages of 4-5 gift certificates usually come with some sort of incentive - like perhaps a massage for the bride as well.

Don't fret too heavily over wedding party gifts. Just spend a little time thinking about what your attendants' tastes are and what your budget will allow, and don't be afraid to get creative. If you're on a really tight budget, you might even consider buying some nice baskets and an assortment of small toiletries and arranging them with seashells, ribbons and pretty colored paper for the bridesmaids and less elaborate beer steins filled with complementary male toiletries for the groomsmen and ushers. Above all, give these gifts with love and gratitude.