Rehearsal Dinners

"I thought that was my fiance's parents' job!" exclaimed a surprised bride-to-be.

Although the rehearsal dinner is traditionally the responsibility of the groom's parents, in today's changing traditions, it's wise for the bride to work with them on the specifics. This will help to ensure the dinner will accomplish its most important goal - to acquaint the people central to your wedding in a carefree, fun and memorable way.

Traditionally, the rehearsal dinner is held right after the wedding rehearsal. Everyone who attends the wedding rehearsal including their spouses or guests, parents of young attendants and clergy should be invited. You may also extend invitations to immediate family members and out-of-town guests. Also, don't forget the parents of the bride and groom. Invitations may be sent two weeks in advance, though a phone call will do just as well.

The key to having a stress-free rehearsal dinner is the timing. Having the rehearsal the day before the wedding can sabotage all of your efforts to relax at the dinner. Christine Young, owner of The Wedding Directory, a wedding consulting business in Rockland, always advises her clients to try to schedule the rehearsal at least a few days before the wedding. "This really helps the entire evening to be more relaxed," says Young.

Perhaps the most important and also most variable factor of your rehearsal dinner is the location. Living in a place so rich in history and culture as New England leaves a multitude of doors open for whatever your heart may desire. There are a couple of things you'll want to keep in mind when deciding on the theme of this dinner. First, you don't want to make it so elaborate as to compete with the big day. Second, it's nice to keep the atmosphere as different as possible from your wedding reception, suggests Young. For instance, if your reception is being held in a hotel or banquet hall, it would be perfect to have an outdoor rehearsal dinner. Or if your reception is to be an untraditional, contemporary affair, a rehearsal dinner in a historic building would fit the bill.

Elaine Bouchard, director of full service and special events at Rebecca's Cafe, a catering service based in Boston, is enthusiastic about helping people find interesting places for any occasion. "You want to find a location that will work for everyone involved and one that is within your budget," advises Bouchard. Rebecca's has catered a diverse range of affairs offering customized menus in more than 100 creative locations, among them the House of Seven Gables in Salem, the Children's Museum in Boston and Steep Hill Beach on the Crane Estate in Ipswich.

New England, and particularly Boston, is full of museums, many of which have function facilities available. One of the benefits of holding the dinner at a museum is the entertainment it will offer your guests. Also, because the rehearsal itself can be pretty boring for the dates and spouses of those in the wedding, you may suggest they tour the museum while the rehearsal is taking place, then meet at dinner. Though some of the larger museums come to mind, some of the smaller, local museums are equally interesting. Museums can add a special flair and assure a fascinating, educational evening.

The number of historical homes, estates and sites in New England is endless. If you will be having out-of-town guests, historic locations are a great way for them to learn a bit about what makes New England special. Even if all of those attending are native, the atmosphere and sentiment in an old home or site is quite unlike any other. Local historical societies are the best way to find an appropriate place to fit your needs. Those involved in such organizations are generally anxious to offer their services and knowledge.

If the reputation of New England weather doesn't scare you, an outdoor rehearsal dinner could be just what you need to calm your nerves. Again, with out-of-town guests in mind, the traditional New England clambake is a fun alternative. Another popular outdoor meal is the backyard barbecue. Many caterers are specializing in both clambakes and barbecues, which makes for a casual, laid-back event. Beaches, pools, back yards and reservations are all great possibilities. Check with historical estates, too, as they usually have impressive grounds.

Whatever location you choose, whomever you decide to invite, whenever it takes place, this is the rehearsal. One of the most important days of your life is just around the corner, so do your best to simply relax and enjoy this preview. Also for you brides-to-be, if your future in-laws have their own ideas as to what this dinner should be, keep in mind, this is usually the one opportunity they have to make decisions regarding their son's wedding. The idea is to work with them.