Unless your idea of a festive night out is hearing the Muzak version of ''Rocking Around the Christmas Tree'' while perfume hawkers spritz you senseless, we suggest you throw a log on the fire and fire up the Internet because there is a plethora of presents out there for everyone on your list.

Herein, in no particular order, is a Top 10 list of some of the, er, more interesting items we discovered.

1. The Ginsu Safe and Easy Bagel Cutter.
$17, www.netmarket.com. (Go to NetSanta, click on ''Gifts for the Home.'')

No Christmas would be complete without a Ginsu product, don't you agree? The sharp people at Ginsu have realized that bagel slicing is serious business. Do it wrong, and you land in the emergency room, a perfect Sunday ruined by the slip of a knife. Just place the bagel in the Ginsu gadget, pull the lever and voila! Two bagel slices without a drop of blood spilled. It even comes with a free cream cheese spreader.

2. The English/Irish/Scottish/Welsh Breakfast.
$40, www.iol.ie/resource/imi/breakfast/. (Ignore the ''This service is temporarily unavailable'' message - just scroll down and keep clicking through.)

When a kilt just won't cut it again this year, give the Anglo or Celt on your list a true taste of home: Rashers, sausages, and black and white puddings are shipped in two days, ready to eat Christmas morning. Add a fried egg and a pot of tea and you've got the beginnings of a feast to launch Braveheart into battle.

3. Foreign Language Furbys.
$39.99, www.tigertoys.com/store/toystore.htm

The hottest Christmas toy from last year is back, and speaking in tongues - namely, Italian, Japanese, German, and French. Oh, and Furbish, of course. Furby has gone international and is the perfect gift for the French immersion student or bon vivant on your list. Furby babies and the Millenium Furby - dressed in blue, signed and numbered - also promise to be hot Net sellers.

4. The ''There's No Place Like Home'' ruby slippers doormat.
$16, www.wbstore.com. (Type ''doormat'' in the Search box or Keyword box.)

It's never good form to show up at a Christmas open house empty handed, and this ''Wizard of Oz'' welcome mat from the Warner Brothers Studio Store, depicting Dorothy's lower legs, ruby slippers, and a ribbon of yellow brick road, is a neat of way of saying, ''Hey, thanks for the grub and the 'nog.'' You'll be fondly recalled the whole year through when guests wipe their feet on your gift over and over.

5. The Body Benefits Powerful Water Jet Bath Spa.
$54.99, www.drugstore.com. (Click on ''Holiday Store,'' and under ''Holiday Favorites,'' click on ''Massage and Relaxation Gifts.'')

Let's face it, you slacker shoppers are going to wind up at the drugstore on Christmas Eve anyway, so why not do your last-minute shopping at a cyber-drugstore? Only here, you don't have a frazzled clerk glaring at you from behind the crowded counter as you try to remember if you got dad Brute or Old Spice last year.

Along with the standard perfumes and Totes umbrellas, this site offers some unique treats like the Body Benefits Powerful Water Jet Spa, which turns any regular bathtub into a frothy trough of fun. Get it for your stressed-out colleague who can't afford a Jacuzzi but is in dire need of a really long soak.

6. The Mercedes Mountain Bike.
$3,300, presentpicker.com. (Click on ''Outrageous'' gifts under ''Top 12.'')

Okay, so it's a little much. But it's literally the Mercedes of bikes, complete with, according to the ad, ''a unique full suspension system that gives unprecedented comfort and control over varied terrain.'' (Read: Your wealthy butt will not take a beating.) It also has disc brakes and twice the normal stopping power. The Dom Perignon bottle holder is optional, as is the bejeweled bike helmet. The extreme biker on your list will be so happy to park it in the garage next to the Mercedes sedan, Mercedes convertible, and Mercedes SUV.

7. The Couples Hammock.
$210, www.hameck.com. (Click on ''Nicamaka Hammocks.'')

If that Sofa-With-A-Secret loses its intrigue, give that loving couple on your list this cozy, double-knit, double-sized hammock from Eck and Associates. The ad shows it hung from one end of the living room to the next, a roaring fire creating the mood as the entwined lovers snuggle in hammock harmony. Gilligan never had it so good.

8. Powerhouse Reds.
$189, www.send.com. (Under the category ''Taste,'' click on ''Wine.'')

Have to buy for an onerous oenophile who's impossible to impress? The folks at Send.com, a gourmet-lovers delight of a Web site, promises that this gift of two ''collector quality'' California cabernets will bowl over even the most accomplished wine lovers. The site offers champagne, scotch, and cognac boxed sets as well, for a full round of holiday cheer.

Just make sure the state where the gift recipient lives allows the shipping of liquor; Massachusetts does - sort of. The out-of-state liquor company you order from can't ship directly to you; under state law, it has to get a local retailer to deliver the stuff. Send.com has a convenient list of states to which liquor cannot be delivered.

If those reds don't fit the bill, this Web site also offers rounds of golf and golf lesson packages at some of the most prestigious clubs in the country.

9. Generation Girl Barbie.
$16.99, eToys.com. (Click on ''1999 holiday hot list.'')

It's Mattel meets MTV with these five new and hip Barbies, who all have better lives than you ever will. There's Barbie, Nichelle, Chelsie, Lara, and Ana, all plastic, perky, teenage dynamos who are not ''just another pretty face,'' according to the Web site.

Barbie is ''an aspiring actress and popular student at International High School.'' Nichelle is ''a high school student by day, professional teen model by night,'' Chelsie is ''an aspiring singer and songwriter,'' Lara was ''raised in Paris, lives in New York City and has a talent and flair for fashion,'' and Ana is ''an athlete intent on winning, but knows it's how you play the game that counts and is going for the gold in style.''

We're still trying to grow up to be the Barbie stewardess.

10. Gift of Gags.
$8, www.yippeee.com/stuff. (Click on ''Package Deals.'')

This box of buffoonery is for the 50-something who has everything, including the funny bone of a 14-year-old. Made by a company called, appropriately, Yippeee, the Gift of Gags includes a whooppee cushion (an under-the-tree side splitter!) belch and sneeze powders (Grandma's favorite, especially around the holiday table!), snotty nose (ditto), hand buzzer (such a classic!), and the dollar stretcher. We hear Santa orders eight of these every year. Those reindeer are such comedians.

Doreen Iudica Vigue covers K-12 education for the Globe. Her e-mail address is iudica@globe.com.